It’s an emo-day. During a meeting I mention that the bad weather is making it hard. It’s cold, it’s raining and it’s so cloudy I can’t even see the island in front of. There is laughter. ‘Haha, and there she is, on her paradise island!’ It’s not meant to be that sharp. But it feels that sharp.
Tears come. I wasn’t expecting them.
And I try to get myself together again. Some others have it much harder than me. Although I’m the first to tell others that ‘burden’ is incomparable. But I can’t help it.
And the tears keep coming.
I bust my head over my ‘bad feeling’. What’s so bad? Maybe, secretly, I’m more scared than I think, but I’m suppressing it. And this is how that fear shows itself? Maybe it’s…
All kinds of hypotheses. Sometimes I’m so tired of being a therapist. I always have to analyze myself like this!
I’m sending a message to my soul mate. She reads between the lines. Luckily. She calls.
What’s going on?
I don’t know. I feel sad. Actually, nothing’s wrong. Actually, everything’s fine. Only the weather is bad. I can’t even walk down to the beach. But what a luxury problem, I still have a beautiful view… So I think there’s something else, something I don’t see.
And I share all my analyses, my twists and turns, my thoughts.
And she listens.
And I ask her if she has any idea what I’m holding down so much that it shows up like this. And she says, ‘Yeah, well, it’s just not fun!’
And the tension calms. All those tears flow to the sea. All those words rolling out, create space. All the silence of listening fills me with warmth.
And all of a sudden I see everything that can help me.
When I’m IN it, I don’t see.
Even if I would make a list of it, I wouldn’t look at it at that moment.
‘No,’ she says, ‘it only helps to call a friend and moan’.
So yes to yoga and meditation, to stress-reducing techniques and breathing, yes to creativity and physical exercise. But especially yes to a friend to whom you can just tell your story without advice, solutions or judgments.
I hereby issue a new Corona measure: the right to moan!
(*) moaning: to make a complaint in an unhappy voice, usually about something that does not seem important to other people. – or: sharing things that bother you, while your inner critic thinks you’re exaggerating.